Bugs Bleat 2Q: July 2006

Volume 8, Issue 21 Friday, May 26, 2006

Hello All,

I was at Shiloh Cemetery and noticed a tombstone dated June 6, 1944. Reading further, they young man was a PFC in the 82 airborne. So one of Columbia County’s own died on D-Day.
Kind of brings it home, doesn’t it.
Since I was at a funeral, I asked the director how this young man ended up at Shiloh Cemetery. He told me that some families paid to have their loved ones brought back to the states for burial.
~~~~~
This was sent to me by Tom of the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/
“It's just a few thoughts about a holiday which is special to me. It's one of those few times when I share something serious instead of humorous. -Tom”
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GCF: Memorial Day 2006

The joke for today has been sent. I want to be serious for a moment and talk about the holiday, which will be celebrated here in the United States on Monday.

Memorial Day is on the last Monday in May and honors those men and women who lost their lives serving their country. What we celebrate as Memorial Day today began at the end of the Civil War. Family members of the many soldiers slain in battle would visit the gravesites of their fallen relatives or friends and decorate the graves with flowers.

On May 5, 1868, General John Logan proclaimed this day a holiday through his General Order No. 11. The day was entitled Decoration Day and was first observed on May 30, 1868. The northern states celebrated this day every year, but the southern states celebrated a day similar to this on a different day until sometime after World War I.

In 1882, the name Decoration day was changed to Memorial Day, and in 1971, Memorial Day was declared a national holiday to be held on the last Monday of May every year. Over the years it has come to serve as a day to remember all U.S. men and women killed or missing in action in all wars.

I am truly grateful for the freedoms, which we enjoy today. Too often, we take these gifts for granted, little realizing the sacrifice, which was involved in ensuring that these freedoms continue to be a part of all of our lives. Be honest, how many of us think of Memorial Day as just another chance for a three-day weekend? A chance to go the lakes or beaches or mountains? A trip to Disneyland or Six Flags or some other amusement park?

If you are here in the United States, please remember to display the flag, not just for the day but also for the whole weekend. Let's not forget the real reason for having this holiday. The quote below says it all. Please take the time to read it.

Take care everyone.
Tom (HM2, USN 65-69)
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"It is, in a way, an odd thing to honor those who died in defense of our country in wars far away. The imagination plays a trick. We see these soldiers in our mind as old and wise. We see them as something like the Founding Fathers, grave and gray-haired. But most of them were boys when they died, they gave up two lives -- the one they were living and the one they would have lived. When they died, they gave up their chance to be husbands and fathers and grandfathers. They gave up their chance to be revered old men. They gave up everything for their county, for us. All we can do is remember."

-- Ronald Wilson Reagan
Remarks at Veteran's Day ceremony, Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia, November 11, 1985

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A final thought.....

Over the years the meaning of Memorial Day has faded too much from the public consciousness. From a solemn day of mourning, remembrance, and honor to the men and women who died in providing the freedoms we enjoy, it has been reduced to a weekend of BBQ's, shopping bargains and beaches where only token nods toward our honored dead is given, if at all. Too many don't know what the day stands for.

So, let's not forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice. They are remembered in all our prayers. Also, let's not forget a prayer for the safety of all service men and women, whether they serve at home or overseas. Finally, a heartfelt Semper Fi from this Hospital Corpsman is sent to all the Marines I knew. -Tom
~~~~~
Recent events got us thinking and talking about “Seniors” and that reminded me of “Checkers, Dominos and the Pool hall.” In my youth, the second story porch of the county courthouse was the center of the summer checker’s tournament. As soon as the weather began to warm, you’d see the older guys up there playing checkers every day. They had some simple tables with a glass-covered checkerboard on top and sat in hard backed “Ford” rockers. The play continued each year until it became too cold to play outside.
After checker play ceased, these fellows often moved into the local “Pool Hall” and played Dominos. One of my most vivid memories is watching my dad and aunt Leara play Dominos with other family members at her café in Cotton Valley.
Since kids weren’t allowed in the “Pool Hall”, my memories are limited to short glimpses through the door as someone went in or out while we were passing by. But I do remember it was a smoky place that we weren’t supposed to go near.
~~~~~
Here’s another Taylor family story.

“Uncle Bob Rides The Train” Like we did in our time, the Taylor kids played around the rail yard in Taylor, even though they, like us, were strictly forbidden to do so. One day, they were climbing around on an open “gondola” car, the kind you’d haul coal or some other coarse material in when little Bob fell into the empty car.
He wasn’t hurt but the sides were too high for him to get out. The other kids gathered to come up with a plan to free him when the local coupled onto the car and started pulling out of the yard.
His siblings couldn’t figure out how to get him out of a moving rail car, nor how they could get the train to stop so they went home and pretended they didn’t know where he was. In the meantime, the train continued north where Bob was eventually discovered by a railroad cop in Hope.
Bob was pulled out of the car and run out of the yard. Not knowing anyone in Hope, Bob started walking the 45 miles home. With the help of a couple of rides, the little fellow got home about sunrise the next morning.
Grandmother was beside herself with worry and asked him where he’d been. He told her he’d been playing in the rail yard, got trapped in a car, carried to Hope, thrown out of the rail yard and had been walking home all night.
She whipped him for lying and refusing to tell her where he’d really been.

“Wrecking the train.” After Bob’s experience, the kids started plotting how they could get revenge by wrecking the train as it came though Taylor. They finally settled on piling rocks on the track and executed this plan one evening. After setting the trap, they lay down in the ditch beside the rail to watch the show.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) the first thing down the track wasn’t the train, but an inspection cart. These small vehicles were six or eight feet square, some operated with a hand pump. [By our time, these carts had a small gasoline engine on them and a bench across the front where the men set. In poor weather they often mounted a cab made of a steel frame covered with canvas. Today, the same purpose is filled by work trucks with a set of rail wheels allowing them to be driven on the rails.] As the cart sailed down the track, it encountered the rocks and was thrown off the rail, as were its occupants.
Seeing the men flying though the air, the kids jumped up and ran home, which was a block west of the railroad. Problem was, the men were able to watch the kids run down the block and into the Taylor home. So after brushing off, the men came to the Taylor home and spoke to the kid’s parents. My mother said it nearly wore her mother out, whipping all those kids that evening.

And this weeks Charlie, Dinah Sue, and James Fort story;

"Silence Vassals" One day, we (Dinah Sue) decided that we’d play Royalty. She’d be the queen and Charlie and I would be the servants. Things went pretty well, with Dinah Sue giving us various orders until she picked up the kids teacup off the table in the living room. As she started to sip from it both Charlie and I tried to tell her it wasn’t clean. However, she was in full character and shut us up with a withering glance and the words “Silence Vassals.”
So we let her sip from the cup that had been used as an ashtray by the adults that day.
~~~~~
We recommend this column by Charles Krauthammer, a 1987 Pulitzer Prize winner, 1984 National Magazine Award winner, and a columnist for The Washington Post since 1985: http://www.townhall.com/opinion/columns/charleskrauthammer/2006/06/23/202345.html
Thanks to Barry Brownlee
~~~~~
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it.
Caution .... They Walk Among Us ..

Thanks to David Lamb
~~~~~
TWENTY THINGS TO REMEMBER

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.

2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.

3. As a child of God, prayer is kinda like calling home every day.

4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.

6. Do the math. Count your blessings.

7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.

9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

10. Laugh every day... it's like inner jogging.

11. The most important things in your home are the people.

12. Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.

13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.

17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it. Otherwise, it's just hearsay.

18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle -- it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

-- Author Unknown

Thanks to David Lamb
~~~~~
Congratulations to Justin and Adria Miles
Hannah Elisabeth Miles was born Friday, May 19. She weighed 7 lb. 11 ½ oz. and is 20" long. Hannah and her mom, Adria, are doing great and big brother, Joshua, is excited!
~~~~~
Bad Day At Work?

Next time you have a bad day at work ... think of this guy, Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
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Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.

This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my posterior started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds my posterior started to burn I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.

However, my posterior was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my posterior. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my posterior as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my posterior was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish on your posterior.

Now repeat to yourself,

"I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, Is this a jellyfish bad day?
~~~~~
From Paul in Tanzania

Hope this letter finds you all doing well. We have had a great start with 50 leaders from all over Tanzania, one student from Malawi, and two from Zanzibar.

Yesterday seventeen students were filled with the holy spirit. It was a Glorious time in the lord. We have many who have had very little teaching And it is a ripe atmosphere that the holy spirit finds irresistible. We Have also had great times of spontaneous prayer and they are learning how To flow with god. What a blessing to be living in these last days even though there are trials.

A few weeks ago a preacher in Nairobi was preaching and comparing the bible With the Koran on the radio when eight disguised men broke into the Station, killed the man and burned the building to the ground. As yet no Arrest has been made. The spirit of violent Islam is spreading and at the same time the spirit of the lord is raising up a great army. Nairobi is only four hours north of Arusha.

Right now the rains have subsided but for three weeks I was not able to use my road. Electricity has been off for a few months but is coming back on now. I very nearly slid off a small cliff because my dashboard light Showed that my four-wheel drive was locked in but my tires gave a different Story. Hamna Shida (no problem ) the Lord is helping me. I am also continuing to progress in learning the language.

I thank you all for your prayers and your support without which we could Not be here.

Looking forward to hearing from you all,

Blessings,
Paul

P.S.- I will be back in the U.S. the month of August and the first part of September
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The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include Ronnie and Barbra Daniels, Terry and Leslie Walthall, Kelley Davidson, Annette and Gizmo.
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God's Yellow Pages http://web2.airmail.net/dpelc/yellow/

I saved it as a favorite for future reference!

Thanks to Norma Kay Rowe
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We extend our sympathy to the family of David Dawson, former employee, who died earlier this week.
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Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
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The next Albemarle Kids' Fishing Tournament will be Saturday June 3.
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We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com. Our photos are now posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.75
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
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Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s new Taylor Recipe Book
Apple Enchiladas - Donna Gail Hanson

Ingredients:
2 cans crescent dinner rolls
2 cooking apples (Granny Smith) peeled, cored and cut into 8 slices each
2 sticks margarine
1 ½ cups granulated sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 (12 oz) can Mountain Dew (not sugar free)

Method:
Place one apple slice on large end of each triangle of crescent dough. Roll up from large end to small. Place all rolled up slices in a 9x13 baking dish. In a saucepan, melt margarine. Mix with sugar and cinnamon. Pour sugar mixture over enchiladas. Pour Mountain Dew over all. Bake 45 minutes or until golden brown at 350º. Best served warm with ice cream.
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We just want to say Thank You for all the help during this years serving line. The Blossom Festival could not be a success without people like you. I figure we served around 780 people, we did the majority in 34 minutes. Please pass on to your spouse's that we really do appreciate the work they do. I really want to thank Gary Sharp and family I didn't even have to think about getting the tea out. I want to thank the cookers for holding such great Steak's . And again we want to say Thanks and a great job done by all ....

Keith Burton / Steve Doggett
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson
BreakPoint Commentaries
Criminal Justice America’s Prisoners
By Mark Earley
5/26/2006

Targets for Transformation

Note: This commentary was delivered by Prison Fellowship President Mark Earley.

Yesterday, I discussed how society, by way of our criminal justice system, has unintentionally waged a war on children of prisoners—children without a voice and with little hope of escaping the intergenerational cycle of crime.

Today I’d like to tell you of another group of people who have joined the ranks of the voiceless, the marginalized, and the forgotten: prisoners themselves.

Did you know that 2.3 million Americans spent last night behind prison walls? Did you know that the United States incarcerates more individuals per capita than any other industrialized country in the world? In fact, our incarceration rate is five times higher than the United Kingdom’s and six times higher than Canada’s. Yet we’re doing little or nothing to prepare prisoners to become law-abiding citizens: Nearly two-thirds of the 630,000 men and women released from prison this year will be rearrested within three years.

Before I came to Prison Fellowship, I couldn’t have cared less about prisoners. I believed only that they deserved their time and merited none of my sympathy. Today, I realize that, while we must uphold justice and the rule of law, we must also see prisoners as God sees them—valuable, purposeful, and loved.

Remarkably, God has reserved a special place in His kingdom for prisoners—the ones we have locked away and forgotten. He even equates visiting the prisoner with visiting the sick.

Jesus says in Matthew 25, “I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.”

What does this mean for us who follow Christ? It could mean taking a few minutes each week to write a letter to a prisoner. It could mean sacrificing an afternoon to visit an inmate without a family. It could mean praying with a prisoner who is struggling with loneliness. It could mean discipling prisoners behind bars and walking with them when they come out of prison.

When we reach out to prisoners in Christ’s love, I believe that we are participating in a great work that God is doing—because I believe God is raising up a new generation of leaders for the Church from behind prison walls.

Throughout history, God has raised up the vilest of criminals—men like the Apostle Paul, a co-conspirator in murder, and Moses, a murderer and a fugitive—to serve His kingdom, to be vessels of noble use.

I think of a man I have met and now count as a brother in Christ: Ron Gruber, an ex-leader of a notorious biker gang and a convicted murderer.

Ron had enemies inside prison and out, including a warden he had attacked years before. But because of Christ’s transforming power, Ron has repented. He has reconciled with the warden and others whom he had terrorized. And Ron now devotes his fifty-year prison sentence to preaching Christ and making disciples of other prisoners. What a stunning transformation!

Yes, we do need prisons to protect our communities from violent, dangerous criminals. As a former attorney general of Virginia, I know that. But we can never forget that we must see prisoners as God sees them: men and women for whom Christ died.

Oh, and there’s one other prisoner I forgot to mention. He was transformed by the grace of Christ: a man named Chuck Colson. I think you and I have heard that name somewhere before.

This is part eight in the “War on the Weak” series.

For Further Reading and Information

Please help support the Christian worldview ministries of BreakPoint and the Wilberforce Forum by donating online today or calling 1-877-322-5527.

Zoe Sandvig, “Amen and Amend,” InnerChange Freedom Initiative.

Learn more about the InnerChange Freedom Initiative.

Learn more about Justice Fellowship and how you can support its work.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060525, “True Casualties: The Children of Prisoners.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060217, “A Fighting Chance: The Second Chance Act.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 050829, “‘God Is Changing Me’: Street Saints.”

Charles Colson, Born Again (Chosen, 2004).

Charles Colson with Harold Fickett, The Good Life (Tyndale, 2005).

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
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Words of the Week:
cognoscente: a person with special knowledge.
bombinate: to buzz, hum, or drone.
incontrovertible: indisputable; unquestionable.
protean: readily assuming different shapes or forms.
torpid: dull; sluggish; apathetic.
junta: a governmental council or committee, esp. one that rules after a revolution.
variegated: having marks or patches of different colors; also, varied.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous." - Shana Alexander

We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." - William Somerset Maugham

"It is the heart that makes a man rich. He is rich according to what he is, not according to what he has. - Henry Ward Beecher

"Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day." - Albert Camus

"Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries." - James Michener

"Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." - Benjamin Franklin

"To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation." - Yann Martel
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

Join with Iranian Christians in 40 Days of Prayer and Fasting for the Salvation of Iran - Beginning Thursday, May 25th
Jerry Dykstra / Aimee Herd reporting (May 24, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2551
"Pray that we will become united. If we were united, we could beat this regime. If we were united, we would not give in to satan, because the love of Christ would be central."

Governor Schwarzenegger Pledges to Veto California Homosexual Curriculum Bill SB 1437
News Staff / Aimee Herd reporting (May 25, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2555
"Now the Governor needs to pledge to veto the two remaining sexual indoctrination bills, AB 606 and AB 1056. Parents and grandparents are demanding it."

Soldier Gives His Purple Heart to N.Y. Student
AP Staff/Teresa Neumann Reporting (May 26, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2559
"The letters mean so much to us. So I thought this was a big way of giving something back to them."
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GCF: Finest Equipment

Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to: SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ Unsubscribe info for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2006 before it was sent.
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Morris had been playing golf for years and he had the finest golfing equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend Sam asked.

"I've never had an old ball," Morris said.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Pizza Coupon

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Dispatching her ten-year-old son to pick up a pizza, my sister handed him money and a two-dollar coupon. Later he came home with the pizza, and the coupon. When asked to explain, he replied, "Mom, I had enough money. I didn't need the coupon."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Pizza Delivery

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to a gated community. Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop for a delivery.

"I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said, then gave him the address of our condominium.

"We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Good Dentist?

Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to: gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
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A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning.

The other remarked that he too had gone to Dr. Taylor a few years before.

"Is that so?" the first said. "Did he do a good job?"

"Well, I was on the course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot," he said. "The ball must have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the stomach. That," he added, "was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Bad Career Move

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Once, I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My position had been reclassified so that it fell into a new area outside of the Information Technology staff.

One day, my new supervisor entered the room and stared at the air conditioning unit directly behind me. He studied the two flashing lights for a few moments and asked what job it was currently processing.

I killed my career by replying, "Actually, sir, it's cooling the room. The computer is over there."
_ ____________________________ _
____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Don't knock on Death's door. \ /
\ _/ Just ring the bell and run. \_ /
/ / He hates that. \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ I always finish what I sta \_ /
/ / \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A mainframe: The biggest \ /
\ _/ PC peripheral available. \_ /
/ / \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Golf was once a rich man's \ /
\ _/ sport, but now it has \_ /
/ / millions of poor players! \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I used to have an open mind, \ /
\ _/ but my brains kept falling out. \_ /
/ / \ _ ____________________________ _
Thomas S. Ellsworth
tellswor@slonet.org
http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor
____________________________
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Caddy Advice

Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

The caddy argued with him a bit and suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a four-iron then a wedge. The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy on the tee, telling him that he was a better golfer than that, and how dare the caddy underestimate his game.

So, giving in, the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for. He proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen yards off the front of the tee.

Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one long putt..."

Received from Good Clean Fun.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Easy Eggs

One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked kind of harassed. After I gave him my order, he asked me how I wanted my eggs.

Not wanting to burden him further, I said cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for you."

With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open onto my plate, and handed it back to me.

Received from Good Clean Fun.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Be Good

A mother was dropping her son off at a friend's house. She said to him, "Will you be good while Mommy's gone?"

The boy replied, "If you give me a dollar!"

His mother shook her head and said to him, "Why can't you be good for nothing like your father?!"

Received from Sarah C.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] The Good Grandmother

A Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach. He is playing in the water and she is standing on the shore not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto the spot where the boy is wading.

The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. Swept away.

She raises her hands to the sky as she screams and cries, "Lord, how could you? Haven't I been a wonderful grandmother? Haven't I been a wonderful mother? Haven't I kept a kosher home? Haven't I given to B'nai B'rith? Haven't I given to Hadassah? Haven't I lit candles every Friday night? Haven't I tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?"

A voice booms from the sky, "Okay, okay!"

A few minutes later, another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling and splashing around as if nothing had ever happened.

The voice booms again. "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"

She responds, "He had a hat."

Received from Lisa Fisch.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Goodbye Mother!

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around.

Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say, 'Goodbye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

"How can that be?" he asked. "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

Received from Jackie Mulholland.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Stone's Throw*

A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location.

"It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."

(-:][:-)

*Passing Pain*

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good night's sleep.

He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not," he asks. She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

The wife says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

His wife answers, "I know I'm dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!"

(-:][:-)

*Three Times Seven*

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"

"22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.

The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

(-:][:-)

*White Hairs*

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"

Eye Laugh

"Sheep Weave"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=29

"Know the Words"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=27

"Sitting Sign"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=26

"Church Concentrate"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=25

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/notable01_06b.html#05_24_06 - - Tabloid Times "It's only May 2006, and the New York Times is already doing trashy, tabloid-style coverage of the Clintons. What's the matter, New York Times? You didn't have a juicy Iran-war-inducing story to plant on your cover page? ..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Memorial Day - Monday, May 29, 2006 - - http://www.infoplease.com/spot/memorialday1.html - - Memorial Day originated in 1868, when Union General John A. Logan designated a day in which the graves of Civil War soldiers would be decorated. Known as Decoration Day, the holiday was changed to Memorial Day within twenty years, becoming a holiday dedicated to the memory of all war dead. It became a federal holiday in 1971, and is now observed on the last Monday in May. Related site: Faces of the Fallen. - - http://projects.washingtonpost.com/fallen/
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All-time 100 Best Novels - - http://www.time.com/time/2005/100books/the_complete_list.html - - Time critics Lev Grossman and Richard Lacayo pick the 100 best English-language novels from 1923 to the present.
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HealthRatings.org - - http://www.healthratings.org/ - - A joint venture of Consumer Reports WebWatch and the Health Improvement Institute, this site helps you to make critical choices about your health information sources on the Web. The top 20 health information sites are listed according to specific and detailed criteria.
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LiveScience.com - - http://livescience.com/ - - LiveScience is an original content site focusing on the innovative and intriguing in Science and Technology. Aimed at the intellectually curious, it covers news, views and scientific inquiry with an original, provocative point of view. With articles by respected science journalists and contributors, LiveScience looks at new discoveries, intellectual adventures and the idiosyncrasies of the world that surrounds us.
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Open Directory Project - - http://www.dmoz.org/ - - The Open Directory Project is the largest, most comprehensive human-edited directory of the Web. It is constructed and maintained by a vast, global community of volunteer editors.
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MapMachine: Civil War Edition - - http://java.nationalgeographic.com/maps/civilwar/ - - A special by the National Geographic MapMachine project. This site allows you to explore an interactive map of over 5,200 U.S. Civil War battlefields and historic sites. You can get detailed desriptions of 384 major battlefields and view the 25 sites most in danger of being lost.
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Probation and Parole in the United States, 2004 - - http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/ppus04.htm - - During 2004 the total Federal, State, and local adult correctional population - incarcerated or in the community - grew to nearly 7 million. This bulletin by the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics reports the number of persons on probation and parole, by State, at yearend 2004 and compares the totals with yearend 1995 and 2000. It lists the States with the largest and smallest parole and probation populations and the largest and smallest rates of community supervision, and identifies the States with the largest increases.
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Human Anatomy Online - - http://www.innerbody.com/htm/body.html - - Welcome to inner exploration of Human Anatomy. Each topic has animations, 100's of graphics, and thousands of descriptive links. Study the anatomy of the human body. It's fun, interactive, and an ideal reference site for students or those who just want to know more about the medical descriptions used by doctors and nurses.
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------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
The 101 Deadliest Days on the Road

More than 7 million drivers involved in a crash attribute it to distractions and 292,000 attribute the cause to talking on a cell phone.

Memorial Day weekend through Labor Day The 101 Deadliest Days on the Road and how to survive them

The statistics are tragic, but true. More Americans die on the nation’s highways during the summer than during any other time of the year. The period between the Saturday before Memorial Day and Labor Day sees more drivers on the road, and more deaths related to automobiles.

The dangers are real, but so are your chances for survival when you implement strategies that protect you while you’re behind the wheel.

On the Road

Americans travel more than 1 trillion miles during the 101 days – that’s 10.5 million more miles per month than other months of the year (Bureau of Transportation Statistics, 2001). Record numbers of Americans will travel this Memorial Day holiday, based on a new AAA survey: nearly 37 million Americans will travel 50 miles or more from home this holiday – a 3.6% increase from last year.

All those miles take a tragic toll: on average, 269 more people die in traffic fatalities each month during the summer than in other months of the year. Of the 25 deadliest days on American roads in the past five years, 20 of them fell during the 101 days from Memorial Day weekend to Labor Day, including four of the top five (NHTSA, 1998-2002 data).

Children and the Highways

Children also are casualties of summer. Motor vehicle deaths are the No. 1 cause of death of children, and child motor vehicle deaths are highest
during the summer months. Teen traffic deaths also peak in summer: a 2003 study of teen driving behavior conducted by Liberty Mutual and Students
Against Drunk Driving found that July saw more deaths (644) of youth ages 15-20 than any other month, followed by June (600), September (590) and August (587) in 2002.

Traffic deaths peak three times during the 101 days– Memorial Day weekend, the July 4th holiday, and Labor Day weekend. That alone marks the 101 days as a time for special caution: The average number of traffic deaths during holiday periods are 156 per day compared to 117 per day on non-holidays (NCSA, Research Note March, 2004, DOT HS 809 718).

Most fatal crashes happen on two-lane, undivided highways and occur between 3 p.m. and 6 p.m. Most fatal crashes involving alcohol occur between
midnight and 3 a.m.
Besides traveling more, American families tend to change their driving habits in the summer – in ways that heighten risk to children and teens.
Children are more likely to be on the road with their parents in summer - parents who travel longer distances, travel at night, and for longer stretches. During the summer, families with children were six times more likely to drive home from a long day trip while fatigued than people without children. And teen driving increases dramatically in summer, when many teens drive at night for the first time. Teen drivers average 44% more hours behind the wheel each week during the summer than during the
school year, and 47% of teen drivers drive at night, compared to 6% during the school year(Liberty Mutual/ SADD, 2003).

You CAN stay safe

The good news is there are smart strategies that can drastically increase families’ chances of avoiding or surviving a crash this summer, as the family stories here illustrate. Some are basic good habits, such as
buckling up and not drinking and driving. Others include avoiding late night driving marathons with children and not giving new drivers excessive driving privileges all at once just because summer is here.

We urge you to draw from the strategies outlined in this web site and develop your own family plan to survive - and enjoy - the 101 deadliest days on the road.

http://www.safedrivingtest.com/101days.html

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
May 25, 2006
from Kim Nguyen (a Houston Albemarle employee).

Five Keys to Safer Foods

Keep Clean
. Wash your hands before handling food and often during food preparation
. Wash your hands after going to the toilet
. Wash and sanitize all surfaces and equipment used for food preparation
. Protect kitchen areas and food from insects, pets and other animals

Separate Raw and Cooked
. Separate raw meat, poultry and seafood from other foods
. Use separate equipment and utensils such as knives and cutting boards
for handling raw foods
. Store food in containers to avoid contact between raw and prepared foods

Cook Thoroughly
. Cook food thoroughly, especially meat, poultry, eggs and seafood
. Bring foods like soups and stews to boiling to make sure that they have reached 70oC.
For meat and poultry, make sure that juices are clear, not pink. Ideally use a thermometer.
. Reheat cooked food thoroughly

Keep Food at Safe Temperature
. Do not leave cooked food at room temperature for more than 2 hours
. Refrigerate promptly all cooked and perishable food (preferably below 5oC)
. Keep cooked food piping hot (more than 60oC) prior to serving
. Do not store food too long even in the refrigerator
. Do not thaw frozen food at room temperature

Use safe water and raw materials
. Use safe water or treat it to make it safe
. Select fresh and wholesome foods
. Choose foods processed for safety, such as pasteurized milk
. Wash fruits and vegetables, especially if eaten raw
. Do not use food beyond its expiration date

KNOWLEDGE = PREVENTION

SOURCE: Food Safety - World Health Organization

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
May 24, 2006
PPE At Home
Today's Safety From the Heart was submitted by Gordon Fogle.

About a month ago I was changing the transmission fluid in my truck. My son was home from school that weekend and he was helping me. We were using a relative's lift and were having a little difficulty getting the pan off of the transmission, but eventually we did get it off.

It broke free quickly, and, as it did, the small amount of the remaining fluid in the pan sloshed out onto us and got on our faces and upper bodies. We each grabbed a rag and wiped it off while saying a few choice words. A little bit had gotten into my son's eye, but he said he had gotten all of it out. We ran some water from the hose on our faces just to be sure. My son made the comment "I see why they make us wear safety glasses at school now" (NASCAR tech).

We completed the job and cleaned ourselves up and didn't really think anymore about it. Sunday afternoon came and he went back to North Carolina to school. Monday night he called home and complained that his eye was hurting and "bloodshot." He didn't sleep at all that night because of the pain and went to the eye doctor first thing Tuesday. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic cream and drops for the pain and said that his eye would clear up in a few days. He told him that transmission fluid is mainly a hydrocarbon and that it would "wash" itself out with no long term effects, but he missed a day of school, a night of sleep, and was fairly miserable for a couple of days all because he didn't put on a pair of safety glasses (or I should have insisted that he wear them).

We wear safety glasses at work and at school labs to protect our eyes, but so often we neglect to do the same for home projects.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
May 23, 2006
Today's Message is from Kevin LeJeune (a Houston Albemarle employee).

GO ASTROS!!!! GO ASTROS!!!! GO ASTROS!!!! GO ASTROS!!!!

Have you ever been to an Astros game? Any ball game?

There are lots of hazards to be careful of:
Splintering bats as they sometimes crack against the ball
Foul balls soaring into the stands
Too much beer
Someone with too much beer in them
Walkways with beer on them
Crazy fans
Crazy players

Oh, how the list goes on.
Be careful.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
May 22, 2006
Misconceptions
Today's Message is from Sandy Barclay (a Houston Albemarle employee).

Did you know that a bolt of lightning is hotter than the surface of the sun and that the shockwave that produces thunder can damage structures and people? The following information can be found on http://science.howstuffworks.com.

Misconceptions
 Ben Franklin was struck by lightning.

No way! Contrary to popular school teachings, Mr. Franklin was very lucky to survive his experiment. The spark he saw was a product of the kite/key system being in a strong electric field. Had the kite/key actually been struck, Mr. Franklin would surely have been killed. As we all know now, his experiment was extremely dangerous and should not be repeated.

 Rubber tires keep you safe in a car because they do not conduct electricity.

Nope. In strong electric fields, rubber tires actually become more conductive than insulating. The reason you are safe in a car is because the lightning will travel around the surface of the vehicle and then go to ground. This occurs because the vehicle acts like a Faraday cage. Michael Faraday, a British physicist, discovered that a metal cage would shield objects within the cage when a high potential discharge hit the cage. The metal, being a good conductor, would direct the current around the objects and discharge it safely to the ground. This process of shielding is widely used today to protect the electrostatic sensitive integrated circuits in the electronics world.

 The tallest objects in a storm always get struck by lightning.

It's true that taller objects are closer to the clouds, but as discussed previously, lightning can strike the ground at a close distance to a tall object. Taller objects may have a higher possibility of a strike, but where lightning is concerned, the strike path is not predictable.

 Surge protectors will save your electronics (TV, VCR, PC) if lightning strikes your power line.

No way! Surge protectors provide protection for power surges in the line from the power company, but not for lightning. To really guard against strike damage, you need a lightning arrester. The arrester uses a gas-filled gap that acts as an open circuit to low potentials, but becomes ionized and conducts at very high potentials. If the lightning hits the line you are protecting, the gas gap will conduct the current safely to ground.

Safety in a Storm
Over 1,000 people get struck by lightning every year in the United States, and over 100 of them die as a result of the strike. Lightning is not something to toy with.

If you are caught outside in a storm, always look for appropriate shelter. Do not take any chances -- lightning can use you as a path to the earth just as easily as it can use any other object. Appropriate shelter would be a building or a car. If you do not have anywhere to go, then you should avoid taking shelter under trees. Trees attract lightning. Put your feet as close together as possible and crouch down with your head as low as possible without touching the ground.

Never lay down on the ground. After lightning strikes the ground, there is an electric potential that radiates outward from the point of contact. If your body is in this area, current can flow through you. You never want the current to have the ability to pass through your body. This could cause cardiac arrest, not to mention other organ damage and burns. By making your body as low to the ground as possible and minimizing the amount of your body in contact with the ground, you can lower the possibility of a lightning-related injury. If a strike were to occur near you, the current would have a much more difficult time flowing through your body in this position.

If you are indoors, stay off the phone. If you must call someone, use a cordless phone or cell phone. If lightning strikes the phone line, the strike will travel to every phone on the line (and potentially to you if you are holding the phone).

Stay away from plumbing pipes (bath tub, shower). Lightning has the ability to strike a house or near a house and impart an electrical charge to the metal pipes used for plumbing. This threat is not as great as it used to be, because PVC (polyvinyl chloride) is often used for indoor plumbing these days. If you are not sure what your pipes are made of, wait it out.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
May 19, 2006
Be Careful
Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by John Green.

On the afternoon of 05/02/06 I took a fall climbing out of a trailer on the drum storage pad which resulted in an injury to my left knee. The ER doctor and the plain X-ray detected no broken bones. After the examination I felt comfortable about returning to work on 05/03/06 and that OTC medication would be suitable for pain control.

The point I am trying to make is that when you are doing a job, no matter how familiar you are with the routine, be careful and be watchful for the unusual. You should also have knowledge of any tools and devices that will make your task safer. After my accident I learned that a portable step was very close to where I fell. Evaluate the job to be done. Be careful and thoughtful about what you are doing.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
May 18, 2006
Lawn Mower Safety
by Kim Boudreaux, BRT employee

Now that the sun is shining and rain is falling again, we all need to have our grass mowed. If you are like me and do it yourself, be ever vigilant of the dangers of lawn mowers. Several years ago I was mowing the very front of my yard. Unbeknownst to me a rock flew out from my mower and hit the side window of a passing car. Luckily no one in the car was hurt. After the driver got over her shock, she came back to my house to show me what had happened. My homeowners insurance paid to fix her window and the incident was resolved. But ever since them I am always aware of passing cars or pedestrians while mowing the front of the yard. If a person or car is passing, I actually pause my mowing to allow the car or person to pass before I continue mowing. It sounds a little obsessive, but I do not want an incident of this type to occur again. And I have a different mower now that doesn't shoot the grass out the side. Something else to consider when purchasing a new lawn mower.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
Quit For Your Family’s Sake!!

The Surgeon General reports that a third of all lung cancer deaths, in nonsmokers, are due to secondhand smoke inhalation. Living with a smoker for 20 years does as much damage to your body as smoking 5 to 6 cigarettes a day and doubles your risk of heart attack.. If you smoke, quit to help yourself, your family and your friends. If you live with a smoker, ask them to stop for the sake of your health.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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Families Seek Accidental War Deaths Medal
May 28 7:10 PM US/Eastern
By CHRISTINA ALMEIDA
Associated Press Writer

Richard Perez made just one request when he said goodbye to his son on a tarmac at March Air Reserve Base just east of here.

"Get back here no matter what," Perez told Rich Jr.

Six months later, and one week shy of his return from Iraq, the 19- year-old Marine was killed when a truck accidentally crushed him.

At the funeral, Perez asked a military officer about his son's Purple Heart _ and was told the military issues the honor only to those killed or wounded in combat. There would be no special medal for Richard Perez Jr.

"These are honors, the highest things that can be bestowed on these guys," Perez Sr. said recently. "That's all you're really left with."

Following his son's death in February 2005, Perez joined a small but growing group of families who are petitioning Congress to create an alternative medal honoring those killed in a war zone but away from combat. In Iraq and Afghanistan, that amounts to more than 600 men and women _ more than 20 percent of the deaths so far.

Leading the effort is Eleanor Dachtler, who lost her 19-year-old son during an insurgent attack in Iraq and received her son's Purple Heart posthumously. Currently, the families of those who die non-combat deaths say they receive medals honoring their loved one's service, but nothing recognizing their death.

"Anybody who goes over there and gives their life for their country deserves to be recognized," said Dachtler, whose son, Lance Cpl. Nicholas Anderson of Las Vegas, was killed in November 2004. "How can you sit there and say one person's life is less valuable than another person's life?"

Memorial Day provides her another compelling reminder.

"If we're going to remember them, let's do it right," she said.

Dachtler has been urging people to contact their congressional representatives about the proposed new medal. And she has enlisted Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., who has instructed his staff to speak with the Pentagon about it.

A Defense Department spokeswoman declined comment on the families' campaign. "Since specific legislation has not be proposed as of yet, we cannot speculate on what our views may or may not be," Lt. Col. Ellen Krenke said by e-mail.

Military brass could worry that awarding a new medal for current conflicts might send a mixed message to veterans of previous wars.

"If you're going to recognize non-combat deaths in this war, what about Vietnam? What about Korea?" said Loren Thompson of the Lexington Institute, a defense think tank in Alexandria, Va. "It raises a host of questions I'm certain the armed forces would like to avoid."

It's also a dilemma for combat veterans.

"When a family loses a loved one it's very difficult to discuss what they should or should not be awarded," said Ray Funderburk, spokesman for the Military Order of the Purple Heart.

The Virginia-based veterans service organization was founded in 1932 _ the same year the U.S. War Department revived the Purple Heart, which was first established by George Washington.

An estimated 500,000 people alive today have been awarded a Purple Heart, according to Funderburk. The group, he said, would likely not oppose a separate medal for those killed in non-hostile action.

"I don't think it would affect the nature of the Purple Heart or the meaning of the Purple Heart," Funderburk said. "But it would have to be something other than a Purple Heart."

The families of those killed in non-combat incidents have said they do not want to change the criteria of the Purple Heart. What they do want is a medal to honor their loved one's sacrifice.

"He died in honor, serving his country," said Frank Guastaferro, a Vietnam veteran whose 27-year-old son Daniel died in January 2005 when his Humvee plunged into a canal in Iraq. "I am very proud of him for what he accomplished."
___

On the Net:

Military Order of the Purple Heart, http://www.purpleheart.org/
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THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME

Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team.

The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate named'Love.'

Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because "Love never fails."

The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love.

The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.

Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked because he never swings at what Satan throws.

The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, "He sure doesn't look like much!"

Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace. Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen! But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by.

He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground;

the roaring crowds went wild as the ball continued over the fence .. . . for a home run!

The Lord's team won!

The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on base but couldn't win the game. Freddy answered that he didn't know why.

The Lord explained, "If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home: 'For by Grace we are saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast."

Psalm 84:11,"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He with hold from those who walk uprightly."

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13
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Pope Asks Why God 'Tolerated' Holocaust
May 28 8:19 PM US/Eastern
By VICTOR L. SIMPSON
Associated Press Writer
OSWIECIM, Poland

Pope Benedict XVI visited the Auschwitz concentration camp as "a son of the German people" Sunday and asked God why he remained silent during the "unprecedented mass crimes" of the Holocaust.

Benedict walked along the row of plaques at the Auschwitz-Birkenau complex's memorial, one in the language of each nationality whose members died there. As he stopped to pray, a light rain stopped and a brilliant rainbow appeared over the camp.

"To speak in this place of horror, in this place where unprecedented mass crimes were committed against God and man, is almost impossible _ and it is particularly difficult and troubling for a Christian, for a pope from Germany," he said later.

"In a place like this, words fail; in the end, there can be only a dread silence, a silence which itself is a heartfelt cry to God: Why, Lord, did you remain silent? How could you tolerate all this?"

Benedict said that just as his predecessor, John Paul II visited the camp as a Pole in 10979, he came as "a son of the German people."

"The rulers of the Third Reich wanted to crush the entire Jewish people, to cancel it from the register of the peoples of the Earth," he said, standing near the demolished crematoriums where the Nazis burned the bodies of their victims.

"By destroying Israel with the Shoah, they ultimately wanted to tear up the taproot of the Christian faith and to replace it with a faith of their own invention."

Shoah is the Hebrew term for the Holocaust, during which the Nazis killed 6 million Jews.

As many as 1.5 million people, most of them Jews, died at Auschwitz and Birkenau, neighboring camps built by the German occupiers near the Polish town of Oswiecim _ Auschwitz in German. Others who died there included Poles, Soviet prisoners of war, Roma _ or Gypsies, and political opponents of the Nazis.

Benedict did not refer to collective guilt of the German people but instead focused on the Nazi regime. He said he was "a son of that people over which a ring of criminals rose to power by false promises of future greatness."

He also did not mention the controversy over the wartime role of Pope Pius XII, who some say did not do all in his power to prevent Jews from being deported to concentration camps. The Vatican rejects that accusation.

Typically, Benedict did not mention his own personal experiences during the war. Raised by his anti-Nazi father, Benedict was enrolled in the Hitler Youth as a teenager against his will and then was drafted into the German army in the last months of the war.

He wrote in his memoirs that he decided to desert in the war's last days in 1945 and returned to his home in Traunstein in Bavaria, risking summary execution if caught. In the book, he recounted his terror at being briefly stopped by two soldiers.

He was then held for several weeks as a prisoner of war by U.S. forces who occupied his hometown.

Earlier, the white-clad Benedict walked alone under the camp gate containing the notorious words: "Arbeit Macht Frei," or "Work Sets You Free."

He stopped for a full minute before the Wall of Death, where the Nazis killed thousands of prisoners. He was handed a lighted candle, which he placed before the wall.

At the Wall of Death, a line of 32 elderly camp survivors awaited Benedict, most of them Catholic. He moved slowly down the line, stopping to talk with each, taking one woman's face in his hands and kissing one of the men on both cheeks.

Benedict then visited the dark cell in the basement of one of the buildings, the place where St. Maximilian Kolbe, a Polish Franciscan friar, was executed after voluntarily taking the place of a condemned prisoner with a large family in 1941. Kolbe was canonized by John Paul II in 1982.

Benedict stopped to pray again in the cell, standing before a candle placed there by John Paul during his 1979 visit.

The visit is heavy with significance for Roman Catholic-Jewish relations, a favorite theme for Benedict and John Paul.

This was the third time Benedict has visited Auschwitz and the neighboring camp at Birkenau. The first was in 1979, when he accompanied John Paul, and in 1980, when he came with a group of German bishops while he was archbishop of Munich.

Benedict's stop at Auschwitz _ his last before he left for Rome _ was a somber close to a four-day trip that was otherwise upbeat, with some 900,000 people turning out for his Sunday mass in a meadow in Krakow, the city where John Paul II once served as archbishop.

Earlier, he urged 900,000 singing, clapping Poles gathered in a rain- soaked field to share their faith with other countries, saying it was the best way to honor their beloved John Paul.

The enormous, exuberant crowd chanted "Benedetto! Benedetto!" and sang "Sto Lat," or "A Hundred Years," wishing him a long life.

"I ask you, finally, to share with the other peoples of Europe and the world the treasure of your faith, not least as a way of honoring the memory of your countryman, who, as the successor of St. Peter, did this with extraordinary power and effectiveness," Benedict said as he concluded his homily during the Mass in the Blonia meadow.

"I ask you to stand firm in your faith! Stand firm in your hope! Stand firm in your love! Amen!" he concluded, speaking in Polish on the last day of his trip.

Predominantly Roman Catholic Poland joined the European Union only two years ago, 15 years after the collapse of communist rule.

"He told us that we should remain ourselves, that we should stay as we were before, attached to our traditions and Christian values," said Jacek Radon, 37, a Krakow businessman. "We should carry into the European Union our attachment to faith and to Christ."

A shadow was cast over the papal visit by Saturday's attack on Poland's chief rabbi, Michael Schudrich, who was to say Kaddish, or the Jewish prayer for the dead, during the ceremony led by the pope.

Schudrich told The Associated Press he was attacked in central Warsaw after confronting a man who shouted at him, "Poland for Poles!" The rabbi said the unidentified man punched him in the chest and sprayed him with what appeared to be pepper spray. He was not injured.

Police said they were treating the incident as a possible anti-Semitic attack.

Schudrich, said the most important part of Benedict's message "was his physical presence at Auschwitz" but that some Jews wished he had gone further by directly addressing anti-Semitism.

"It was a very powerful statement and the words that we heard were powerful, but I'm sure some felt a glaring omission ... on the question of anti-Semitism. Jews are very sensitive to that and we are used to hearing the words of John Paul II."

Rabbi Marvin Hier, founder and dean of the Los Angeles, California- based Simon Wiesenthal Center, told The Associated Press that Benedict's presence at the camp and his remarks were firm reminders that Holocaust deniers were not speaking the truth.

"He wore the uniform of the Hitler Youth. For him to now go there as the pope and acknowledge the horrors the Holocaust visited on the Jewish people and all mankind is important," he said.

Benedict, 79, has reached out to Poles by delivering parts of his speeches and homilies in Polish and by retracing beloved native son John Paul II's steps. He visited John Paul's birthplace, Wadowice, and Sunday's Mass was held on the same spot where John Paul also drew large crowds on his return trips to Krakow.

Benedict has been applauded during his visit to Poland for encouraging prayers for John Paul's canonization as a saint and for saying he hopes it will happen "in the near future."
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
Albemarle Kids' Fishing Tournament - June 3
~~~
The Purple Hull Pea Festival is scheduled for June 23 and 24
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of four soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on May 18 in Baghdad, Iraq, from injuries sustained on May 18, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their HMMWV during combat operations. Killed were:
01. Lt. Col. Daniel E. Holland, 43, of San Antonio, Texas
02. 1st. Lt. Robert A. Seidel III, 23, of Gettysburg, Pa.
03. Sgt. Lonnie C. Allen Jr., 26, of Bellevue, Neb.
04. Pfc. Nicholas R. Cournoyer, 25, of Gilmanton, N.H.
Holland was assigned to the 352nd Civil Affairs Command, Fort Bragg, N.C.
Seidel, Allen and Cournoyer were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 22nd Infantry, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.

05. Petty Officer Third Class Lee Hamilton Deal, 23, of West Monroe, La., died May 17, as a result of enemy action in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was operationally assigned to Regimental Combat Team-5, I Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward), and permanently assigned to 2nd Marine Division Fleet Marine Force Atlantic, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

06. Staff Sgt. Christian Longsworth, 26, of Newark, N.J., died in Oruzgan province, Afghanistan, on May 19, from wounds sustained when his convoy came under enemy small arms fire during combat operations. Longsworth was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 7th Special Forces Group, Fort Bragg, N.C.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
07. Sgt. David R. Christoff, 25, of Rossford, Ohio
08. Lance Cpl. William J. Leusink, 21, of Maurice, Iowa
09. Lance Cpl. Benito A. Ramirez, 21, of Edinburg, Texas
Ramirez died May 21, while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.
Christoff and Leusink both died May 22, from wounds received while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Al Anbar province, Iraq. They were both assigned to 3rd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii.

10. Spc. Michael L. Hermanson, 21, of Fargo, N.D., died on May 24, in AL Abayachi, Iraq, of injuries sustained when his RG-31 Mine Protected Vehicle came under improvised explosive device, rocket propel grenade and enemy small arms fire while on a route-clearing mission during combat operations. Hermanson was assigned to the Army National Guard's 164th Engineer Battalion, Minot, N.D.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
11. Pfc. Steven W. Freund, 20, of Pittsburgh, Pa.
12. Lance Cpl. Robert G. Posivio III, 22, of Sherburn, Minn.
Both Marines died May 23, while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Al Anbar province, Iraq. They were assigned to 1st Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

13. Pfc. Caleb A. Lufkin, 24, of Knoxville, Ill., died on May 25, at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, Washington, D.C., of injuries sustained on May 4, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his RG-31 Mine Protected Vehicle during combat operations in Baghdad, Iraq. Lufkin was assigned to the 5th Engineer Battalion, Fort Leonard Wood, Mo.

14. Lance Cpl. Kevin A. Lucas, 20, of Greensboro, N.C., died May 26, while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 8th Marines, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

~~~

Secretary Rumsfeld Delivers Memorial Day Message
“On this Memorial Day, we again pause to remember and to honor those who dedicated their lives to the service of others.
“From the first citizen soldiers who stood fast to defend their homes at Lexington and Concord, to the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines securing our liberty and our way of life today, our country has been truly blessed by those who stepped forward to say, ““send me.””
““Theirs is a noble calling that founded a nation, drove back the forces of Fascism, Communism, and terrorism, and made historic advances in the cause of human freedom.
““Their service strengthens our will to persevere through every challenge. They remind us of what it means to be an American.
““So to all of those serving our country today, know that we are deeply grateful to you and to your families. May God bless you. And May God bless our wonderful country.’’

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 11, Number 54 --- 23 May 2006
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com
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TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Secure Your Computer / Travel Info

In today's TOURBUS, find out if your computer is a spam spewing zombie, and how to de-zombify it if necessary. Also in this issue, online help for planning your next vacation, the best Bad Stuff on the Web, and the Case of the Ghostly CDrom Drive. Read on!

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Secure Your Computer!
-----------------------

Cyberspace malefactors are enslaving millions of unsecured computers into zombie networks that are responsible for spewing out mountains of spam and attacking legitimate websites that oppose the spammers. Every day, ordinary computers, owned by ordinary people like you, are being used to send spam. Because so many people have failed to take just a few easy steps to secure their computers, they have become zombies, caught up in botnets.

Botnets are groups of PCs on the Internet that can have been compromised by spammers and hackers. Adware, spyware, computer viruses and other rogue programs have allowed these computers to be remotely controlled by a single entity. By using these zombie computer networks, they can send spam that's virtually untraceable, and coordinate attacks against other computers or websites. Is your PC part of the problem? Find out now...

http://askbobrankin.com/secure_your_computer.html

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Travel Information
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Online since 1996, TravelInformation.com was one of the first travel resources on the Internet. It's also refreshingly different from any other travel-related site I've seen. Instead of trying to sell you airline tickets, hotel rooms and rental cars, this site offers free Official Tourism Guides and kits from tourism bureaus & cities.

Browse through descriptions of the most popular vacation destinations in the USA and Canada, select up to 25 vacation guides, maps and travel planning kits, and they'll be mailed to you at no cost. Most of the kits include detailed descriptions of vacation areas, attractions, and lodging, with four color pictures and toll-free phone numbers. Some include state maps, calendars of events, lists of B&Bs, suggested itineraries, beaches, ski areas, trails and other info that will help you plan a great getaway.

You might think it strange that I'm recommending an offline service for travel planning, but in my experience the good old-fashioned color brochures you can feel and touch offer a higher quality of information with less hassle. Once you've decided where to go, some of the sites in the articles linked below may help you find additional info and some good deals on reservations.

Air Travel - http://askbobrankin.com/air_travel.html

Travel Info - http://askbobrankin.com/travel_information.html

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Bad Stuff
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The Web is just brimming with "best of" sites. But what about the bad, the ugly and the truly awful? In the spirit of admiring the atrocious, displaying the deplorable, and highlighting the heinous, let me present you with some Really Bad Stuff. Nothing dirty or illegal of course, but stuff so bad it'll make you laugh.

When I was a kid, my orthodontist had a really bad painting in his office, which I had to stare at while he reshaped my mouth. Ever since then, I've been sensitive to bad art. And thanks to the Internet, you can find lots of really bad Art, Literature, Songs, Album Covers, Movies, and of course bad websites. Continue on to the next link for sterling examples of the worst the Web has to offer in each category.

Bad Stuff - http://askbobrankin.com/bad_stuff.html

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CDROM Tray Opens
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A reader concerned about computing and the paranormal asked me this:

"My CDROM drive door keeps opening and closing by itself without prompting. Do I need to change a setting or is my computer possessed?"

We can probably start by ruling out possession, at least the kind that might require an exorcist. I've heard reports of this happening due to a hardware problem, specifically with the drive tray being out of alignment, or due to the lens inside the drive being damaged or dirty. It's also possible to control the drive door with software, so perhaps rogue software is to blame. Read on for tips on how to diagnose and fix this problem.

http://askbobrankin.com/cdrom_tray_opens.html

+------------------------------------------------+

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Mark 14:27-30 Psa 119:163-168 Psa 40:1-3 Psa 37:4-6 1 Pet 5:6-7 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2006 before it was sent. ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

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Saturday, July 01, 2006

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Finest Equipment

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Finest Equipment

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Finest Equipment