Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Guided Tour

Volume 8, Issue 16 Friday, April 21, 2006

Hello ALL,

We had a GREAT Easter. A super church service, lunch with our two oldest grandsons and supper with our two youngest. What more could you ask for?
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Due to school closing for ice on Feb. 20, one school day will be added to the year and Magnolia students will attend their last day of the 2005-2006 school year on Thursday, June 01.
Humm ... when I was in school, we didn’t start until after Labor Day and got out before Memorial Day with a holiday in October to help get the crops in. Yet, in spite of our shorter school year, we had a better-educated student body than those today. Oh, we didn’t know computers or such, but most of our kids today learn the majority of their computer skills at home.
So, maybe it’s not how many days you attend but what you do while you’re there that counts?
~~~~~
Saturday is “Earth Day,” a time to celebrate gains we have made and create new visions to accelerate environmental progress. Earth Day is a time to unite around new actions. Earth Day and every day is a time to act to protect our planet.
http://www.earthday.gov/
On the anniversary of the first Earth Day in 1970 (which “Bug” participated in), the federal government is cleaning the air, promoting land conservation, and improving water quality.

The Bush Administration is focused on achieving meaningful results – cleaner air and water, and healthier lands and wildlife habitats.

The nation's air is much cleaner today than it was in 1970 and progress will continue.
The trend of annual loss of wetlands has been reversed.
Restoration and redevelopment of abandoned industrial sites is accelerating.
President Bush is meeting his commitment to reduce the National Park Service maintenance backlog.
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Helping make a difference for the environment this Earth Day is easy. It starts with ENERGY STAR qualified products Beginning January 1, 2006 through December 31, 2007 purchase select ENERGY STAR items and you may be eligible to claim a tax credit of up to $500 on your 2006 or 2007 tax return.

What is the Energy Savings Tax Credit?
A tax credit for consumers who purchase and install specific, energy-saving products in their homes between January 1, 2006 and December 31, 2007. These consumers may receive a tax credit of up to $500 beginning in January 2006. Consult with a qualified tax advisor for eligibility requirements.
What items qualify?
All ENERGY STAR qualified doors, windows, skylights and fiberglass insulation.
What do I do?
Keep your receipts and take them with you to your tax advisor when filing your 2006 or 2007 tax return.
Where can I get more information?
Visit the ENERGYSTAR.GOV Tax Credit Information Page - - http://www.energystar.gov/index.cfm?c=products.pr_tax_credits - - to learn more.
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Farmer’s Bank and Trust, University Branch, was robbed Thursday. This is the second time in the last 12 months that this branch has been robbed.
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Scott Crossfield died in a private plane crash this week. Crossfield, "Chuck" Yeager and Joe Walker were three of my heroes as a child. They were the top test pilots in the world, breaking records, piloting ships like the Bell X-1 and X-15. Walker died on 8 June 1966 when his F-104 collided with one of the XB-70 prototypes during a photo shoot. Test pilot Carl Cross also died in the incident. Retired General "Chuck" Yeager is the only one of the three still living.
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Arkansas State Senator Sue Madison believes college student are being forced to pay too much for textbooks. AMEN! The cost of college texts is outrageous.
University of Arkansas vice chancellor, Don Pederson said that they didn’t know what steps could be taken to lower book costs. Well Chancellor, how about not customizing books with college logos, etc. so they could be sold to other colleges. How about using books for more than a year or two. Most updates to curriculum could be handled on-line. There really aren’t that many. I don’t think the date of the Magna-Carter changed each year.
~~~~~
Looks like Gas is gonna hit $3.00 a gallon any minute. You can save up to 33% off your fuel by avoiding speeding, rapid acceleration and rapid braking. Also, every five mph you drive over 60 mph is equivalent to paying an extra 19 cents per gallon of gas. Every 100 pounds carried in your vehicle reduces the mileage by two percent so get rid of all that junk. Don’t idle for long times. Use cruise control when on the highway, this helps mileage.
And don’t forget to keep you engine in tune, and watch your tire pressure. Finally, share rides.
Thanks to Julia Wilson of the Banner News.
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"We have focused our resources on the symptom, which is people crossing the border, but we've done very little to address the underlying reason people come to this country, which is work." Here is the “root cause” of our immigration woes. If we don’t want illegals in the US, we need to punish those who hire them.
Now, do you really want to stop illegal immigration?
~~~~~
Alltel Corp. (AT) will allow its wireless customers to make free, unlimited calls to 10 telephone numbers of their choice, even those belonging to other wireless providers.

Alltel, the country's fifth largest wireless carrier, will offer its "My Circle" program beginning Monday to any customer who has a monthly rate plan of $59.95 or higher. Unlike other companies that offer unlimited mobile-to-mobile minutes to other customers, Alltel's plan allows a person to pick out 10 frequently called numbers, regardless of carrier.

Customers can change their 10 selected numbers as often as they want, said Kevin Beebe, Alltel's group president of operations. The idea arose after Alltel surveyed customers about what irritated them about their service plan, he said.

Alltel officials see the new plan as a potential revenue booster, as its average monthly bill per customer is now $51.
~~~~~
Claiborne came up to work on the Life Center sound system Wednesday. Sooner or later we’re gonna have to replace that soundboard.
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A Palestinian suicide bomber struck a packed fast-food restaurant during Passover on Monday, killing nine other people and wounding dozens in the deadliest attack in more than a year.
In a sharp departure from the previous Palestinian government's condemnations of bombings, the Hamas-led administration said the attack resulted from Israel's "brutal aggression."
Israel said it held Hamas responsible for the attack.
So-called “Suicide” bombers are cowards undeserving of our attention. And government body’s (such as Hamas) who condone such activities shouldn’t receive a penny of our support.
~~~~~
Ask the Dietitian: Olive Oil vs. Canola Oil by Jennifer May, M.S., R.D., M.S.
Q: Everyone mentions using extra-virgin olive oil when trying to lose weight. However, strictly looking at the food labels, there is no difference between extra-virgin olive oil and canola oil. Is one really better to use than the other?
http://www.dietwatch.com/dietwatch/diet/dietnews.asp?show=dietitian_oil.html&AfilliateReferer=lsV4_16
Thanks to “Diet Watch” - - http://www.dietwatch.com
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The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include a shot of worship at Magnolia Christian Center on Easter Morning and two photos from the TransCAER transportation emergency training in Texarkana this week. The first shows five of our guys; Steve Downey, Glenn Brian, Steve Savoy, Jim Ford and Bubba Whittemore and the second shows Steve Savoy on the UP training rail car.
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Scott McClellan resigned as President Bush’s Press Secretary this week. He lasted longer than I expected in a tough job.
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Please remember to pray for David Kirkpatrick’s wife Sandy who is still in Baptist Hospital in Little Rock. We’re joining Columbia County Rural Fire Departments and collecting money for David and Sandy. See Bud Horne or Mary Alexis to contribute.
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Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
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The next Albemarle Kids' Fishing Tournament will be Saturday June 3.
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There is an awesome webcam out of Maine which is aimed at a bald eagle's nest (in the wild). The eaglets have hatched and sometimes you can see the mother feeding them. If you have a fast enough connection, click on live video #2 and you can watch for a couple of minutes. Really neat!
Enjoy!

Just copy and paste the address to your browser: http://www.briloon.org/ed/eagle/index.htm
Thanks to Joe Tudor
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.88
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Down in the humor section today, we’ve got a joke about a 98-year-old woman dealing with her bank. It reminded me of the incident involving “Miss Lurla” at one of the local nursing homes.

One day a local bank officer received a call from “Miss Lurla”. Since she was one of their oldest customers and a substantial one at that, he hastened to ask her how he could be of service.

She told him; “I’m on the toilet and can’t get to my walker. I’ve hit the “aid” button repeatedly but no one has come to help me. I don’t know the phone number of this nursing home but I remembered yours. Could you contact the nursing home and ask them to send me some help?”

The banker told her to not hang up, he’d get his receptionist to call the nursing home. Then he stayed on the phone with her until he heard the nursing home personnel in the background coming to help her. When the staff arrived, Miss Lurla thanked him and hung up.

Do you get that kind of service from your financial institution?
~~~~~
Speaking of nursing homes, does anyone know of one they’d LIKE to be sent too?
~~~~~
We continue to recommend you read Michael Yon’s dispatches from the war (http://michaelyon-online.com)

Getting these dispatches right is challenging. Iraq multiplies the challenge. The chaos of combat has already claimed two pairs of eye-glasses, a video camera, and two digital still cameras; the environment is merciless, with 117 degree days beating down over land and people.

I was in the Army some years ago and maintained close contact with many friends who made a career of military service. Naturally, I had an interest in what was happening in Iraq–I had friends in harm’s way.

But what spurred me to drop what I was doing, get on a plane and fly halfway around the world, to a war zone, was a growing sense that what I was seeing reported on television, as well as in newspapers and magazines, was inconsistent with the reality my friends were describing. I wanted to see the truth, first hand, for myself.

I saw American and Coalition soldiers putting everything on the line to accomplish their mission. So that Iraqi children can have the chance to grow up in freedom and fulfill their potential. I saw resolve steel the jaw of a military leader. I saw hope light the eyes of a young girl. I saw a parent’s anguish I saw a village elder’s wisdom I saw a soldier’s compassion.
And what I saw changed how I thought about this war. The “truth” of this experience is too complex to capture in a body count or a thirty-second sound byte. It’s chaotic, dynamic and evolving. It’s unwieldy, wasteful and we have made mistakes. It’s a struggle of epic proportions that ultimately relies on the strength of a people about whom most Americans seem to know very little.

The longer I stayed, the better I understood things. And I began to realize that Americans need to see these things in order to understand what is happening here and come to a more informed judgment of whether this struggle is “worth” the cost, in money and lives. No one can make that determination without a balanced set of facts.

To me, one look in the face of any of the children tips the scales one way.

But I don’t do this work to espouse a point of view, or rally people to the right or left. Some people might find that statement disingenuous. I’ve been criticized for using terms like terrorist and enemy in my dispatches. Most critics are a safe distance from the battleground. Up close, it’s more than a matter of taking sides. There’s no value in using imprecise language in a futile attempt to appear objective. There is a difference between Coalition soldiers and Iraqi police officers and the terrorists and criminals they confront. Whether you call them insurgents or resistance fighters or terrorists, the people who wake up in the morning plotting how to drive explosives-laden cars into crowds of children have to be confronted.

Combat is just one form of confrontation. I chose another way. By getting close enough to the truth, for long enough to recognize when reality reveals it, I confront the distortions in how this struggle is portrayed. I do it because we need to see this clearly: what happens in and to Iraq is a defining moment for our nation, and the world. This enemy is smart and they are deadly, but they are also losing. Iraq can become a strong and free nation. But it will take the constant application of pressure over time to stem the flow of blood. If we back off too soon, they will rebound. If we cut our losses and run, they will follow us home. Peace can prevail here, if we can use our strength to maintain our progress.

More and more people read my dispatches every day, and thousands are taking the time to contact me. Some are kind enough to hit the support button which funds my operations. I am especially humbled by comments from the families and loved ones of the soldiers with whom I live and about whom I write. While the dollars helped me replace my damaged equipment, comments from readers are really what has kept me going for the past seven months.

Thank you to everyone who has supported my work. Whether you’ve sent a few dollars, or pointed your own readers and members my way, or sent an “atta-boy,” it’s all deeply appreciated. My Southern roots compel me to respond to every email and acknowledge every donation. But lately I have experienced a new and growing danger in Iraq: I see that my work could be the victim of my success. In trying to respond to every note and donation, I am finding myself sacrificing time in the field and sleep and both of these are essential to my continuing to post these dispatches. Your comments seem to indicate your assent that the dispatches should outrank the acknowledgments.

So, I trust you will forgive this impersonal but no less heartfelt and genuine expression of thanks. And I hope you’ll keep reading and referring friends and colleagues to these pages. From where I sit, I can see there are many more telling moments to come.
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We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://bugsbleat.blogspot.com, bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, bugsbleat3q.blogspot.com, and http://bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com. Our photos are now posted at http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
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Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s new Taylor Recipe Book
Veggies on the Grill

Ingredients:
? cup olive oil
1 ½ tsp. garlic powder
½ tsp. salt
¼ tsp. pepper
? tsp. cayenne pepper
3 medium carrots, halved lengthwise
3 large potatoes, quartered lengthwise
3 medium zucchini, quartered lengthwise

Method:
In a small bowl, combine oil, garlic powder, salt, pepper and cayenne. Brush over vegetables. Grill carrots and potatoes covered over medium heat for 10 minutes. Baste. Add the zucchini. Cover and grill 10-15 minutes longer basting and turning every 5 minutes or until the vegetables are tender.
Notes: I wrap vegetables in foil & often substitute cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, onion, etc
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Attack of the Kudzu People
By Chuck Colson
4/21/2006

Man as an Invasive Species

Last month, the Texas Academy of Science named ecology professor Eric Pianka of the University of Texas its “Distinguished Texas Scientist” for 2006. The selection would have been literally unremarkable but for some things Pianka said.

In response to the award, Pianka delivered what he called his “doomsday talk,” a litany of humanity’s offenses against the environment. He told the audience that humanity has “grown fat, apathetic, and miserable,” and wrecked the environment in the process.

Now, this kind of anti-human screed is pretty common in environmental circles. You will probably hear things like this said tomorrow during the “Earth Day” observance.

What is not so common is Pianka’s solution to the problem of environmental degradation: a 90 percent reduction in human population.

According to Pianka, the deaths of 5.8 billion people are needed to keep Earth from turning into a “fat, human biomass.” As he told his audience, “Every one of you who gets to survive has to bury nine.”

And Pianka has a candidate for the job: the Ebola virus. Whereas, according to Pianka, war, famine, and AIDS are too slow and too survivable, Ebola combines the speed and lethality necessary to do the job.

What did his audience think of Pianka’ remarks? According to one witness, he received “loud, vigorous, and enthusiastic applause.” They laughed when, during the Q&A, he “joked” that “the bird flu’s good, too” for achieving the desired lethality.

While Pianka’s audience might have loved what he had to say, outside the meeting things were very different. A spokeswoman for Texas governor Rick Perry called Pianka’s remarks “abhorrent.” That’s to say the least.

Pianka insisted, of course, that his remarks had been “taken out of context.” His real goal was simply to “warn the public that population growth must slow down.”

Okay. Even if Pianka was “merely” engaging in obscene hyperbole, we are still left with the underlying premise that makes such statements possible. According to the radical environmentalist worldview, human beings are a kind invasive species like the kudzu vine. Only, in this case, the habitat being wrecked is the entire planet. For Pianka and his sympathizers, longer lives and higher standards of living for people are bad news for the planet.

This misanthropic view is not unique to Pianka. While few environmentalists would go this far, many agree that fewer and poorer people is important to the survival of the planet. The planet must be protected and, if at all possible, restored to its pristine state. So you blow up loggers, rather than cut down trees.

Fortunately for both people and the environment, there’s an alternative: It’s the Christian idea of man as a steward. And in this view, man has a unique status within creation, but that status carries responsibilities.

Unlike an invasive species like kudzu or zebra mussels, man is aware when his actions needlessly harm another species or a particular habitat. And because he is created in the image of God, he is motivated to protect the environment and to restore the damage he might have done.

This moral duty to seek the welfare of all creation is a far superior basis for environmental awareness than the misanthropy of people like Pianka. Keep this in mind on this “Earth Day”: Which worldview would you rather live under?

For Further Reading and Information

Today’s BreakPoint offer: The BreakPoint “Caring for Creation” CD includes an interview with Michael Novak and many others involved in environmental policy, addressing environmental concerns, like global warming and “sustainable development,” what Christians should do to care for creation, and what the law should address regarding the environment.

Jamie Mobley, “Doomsday: UT Prof Says Death Is Imminent,” Gazette-Enterprise (Seguin, Tex.), 2 April 2006.

Jamie Mobley, “Academy of Science Responds to Critics,” Gazette-Enterprise (Seguin, Tex.), 5 April 2006.

Forrest M. Mims III, “Meeting Doctor Doom,” Citizen Scientist, 31 March 2006.

“Eric Pianka: The Department of Homeland Security Needs to Interview You,” Uncommon Descent blog, 2 April 2006.

Mark Bergin, “Greener than Thou,” World Magazine, 22 April 2006.

Michael Novak, “Blue Is True: What the Color of Environmentalism Should Be,” National Review, 10 March 2003.

See “The Cornwall Declaration” at the Interfaith Stewardship Alliance website.

Bishop of Durham, Dr. N. T. Wright, “Moral Climate Change and Freedom of Speech,” speech in the House of Lords, 9 February 2006.

Paul Starobin, “Misfit America,” Atlantic Monthly, January/February 2006.

Bob Carter, “There IS a Problem with Global Warming . . . It Stopped in 1998,” Telegraph (London), 9 April 2006.

Eric Berger, “Global Warming and Hurricanes: A Bunch of Hot Air?” SciGuy blog, 27 March 2006.

Thomas C. Schelling, “It’s Getting Warmer,” Wall Street Journal, 23 February 2006. (Subscription required.)

Thomas Bray, “‘What Jesus Drives’ Crowd Reignites a Dubious Cause,” Detroit News, 19 February 2006.

Regis Nicoll, “Keeping Our Cool: Environmental Debate Heats Up for Evangelicals,” BreakPoint Online, 23 February 2006.

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004 Prison Fellowship.
~~~~~

Words of the Week:
land of Nod: sleep.
hortatory: serving to encourage or incite.
choler: anger.
expeditious: characterized by speed and efficiency.
implacable: incapable of being pacified.
patina: a superficial layer.
caveat: a warning or caution.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"People are governed by the head; kindness of heart is little use in chess." - Sebastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort (1741-1794) French Journalist, Playwright, Aphorist

"In words are seen the state of mind and character and disposition of the speaker." - Plutarch

"It is difficult to give children a sense of security unless you have it yourself. If you have it, they catch it from you." - William C. Menninger

"Whenever an individual or a business decides that success has been attained, progress stops." - Thomas J. Watson

"Conquer yourself not the world." - Rene Descartes

"The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought and attended to my answer." - Henry David Thoreau

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Joseph Addison

"There is only one success -- to be able to spend your life in your own way." - Christopher Morley
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

In "Apparent Christian Revival," Baghdad Priest Praises Downfall of Saddam, Calls for Unity
Vanessa Arington/Teresa Neumann Reporting (Apr 22, 2006)
Throughout dinner with Saddam's son, the priest -- who "loathed" Saddam's regime -- says "I was quite clearly in the presence of evil." - - http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2410

Prayer and Action Alert: California State Senate to Vote Monday on Bill that Teaches Homosexuality to Schoolchildren
Randy Thomasson / Aimee Herd reporting (Apr 21, 2006)
"Arnold Schwarzenegger must realize that values voters, whether they are Republican, independent, or Democrat, really hate the notion of schoolchildren being taught that sex-change operations are good and natural…" - - http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2406

Columbine - 7 Years Later: the Heartache, the Healing and the Hope
BCN Exclusive by Aimee Herd (Apr 20, 2006)
"I guess I feel like [Cassie] was my sister, but she really belonged to God. He put her in our family for us to learn from for a while. I think I'm at peace with that." - Cassie Bernall's brother Chris Bernall. - - http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2401

Chinese Artist Brings Christian-Themed Paintings to Canadian Seminaries
John Franklin / Aimee Herd reporting (Apr 19, 2006)
"Life is too short, I must do Christian art."
According to an article by John Franklin on Canadian Christianity, two Anglican colleges, Wycliffe and Trinity in Toronto, have teamed up in bringing Chinese artist He Qi and his unique art to the schools for the Spring. - - http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2397

Prayer Alert: Floods Worsen in Southeastern Europe - 160,000 Threatened by High Water
AFP Staff / Aimee Herd reporting (Apr 18, 2006)
Heavy rainfall adding to melting snow is contributing to floods affecting thousands in southeastern European countries. - - http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2393

India's Supreme Court Drops Arrest Warrant on Hopegivers Founder
Michael Ireland / Aimee Herd reporting (Apr 17, 2006)
"This is great news, but we still need to keep praying and writing letters." - - http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2391

Bible to be Read from Beginning to End for 90 Continuous Hours on U.S. Capitol Lawn
Terry Shaffer Hall / Aimee Herd reporting (Apr 17, 2006)
The Scripture reading marathon will kick off a week of prayer for the nation. - - http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2387

"Historic Moment" -- Houston's Largest "White" and "Black" Churches Unite to Praise Jesus on Easter
Richard Vara/Teresa Neumann Reporting (Apr 16, 2006)
"There were no barriers, no cultural barrier, no racial barriers. We were all one church, all loving God." - - http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2384

New Website a Faith-Based Alternative to "MySpace" Network
Joseph Alvarez / Aimee Herd reporting (Apr 15, 2006)
"We pray that our new site will foster creativity and innovation within the Christian movement and will break down previous barriers of communication worldwide." - - http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2380
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GCF: Guided Tour

Emailed to me from another humor list (Cascade Express E-zine) -Tom To subscribe to Cascade Express E-zine, send a blank email to: Cascade_Express-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old European castle. At the end of the tour the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages.

"Don't worry" says the guide, "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here"

"How long is that?" asks the girl.

"About three hundred years......."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Memory Lane

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
-------------------------------

(Tom's note: This sound like something that Andy Rooney would have said.)

I came across this phrase in a book yesterday: "FENDER SKIRTS".

A term I haven't heard in a long time and thinking about "fender skirts" started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with hardly a notice.

Like "curb feelers" and "steering knobs."

Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Kids, you will probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.

Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.

When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?" At some point "parking brake" became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with "emergency brake."

Didn't you ever wait at the street for your dad to come home, so you could ride the "running board" up to the house?

Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore - "store-bought." Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy.

"Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term "world wide" for granted. This floors me.

On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in our homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.

Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word I came across the other day - "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty put-down!

Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a fun word to say. And what was it replaced with? "Coffee maker." How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.

I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and now sound so retro. Words like "DynaFlow" and "Electrolux." Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!"

Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore.

Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. The one that grieves me most "supper." Now everybody says "dinner." Save a great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.

Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us of a "certain age" would remember most of these. So, just for fun, Pass it along to others of "a certain age."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Translation

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Leigh) -Tom
-------------------------------

A company was doing an English-language movie where, at one point, an exhausted messenger was supposed to dash in, collapse, and gasp out a vital message in Swahili. They even found someone who knew the language, and the scene worked beautifully in the movie -- until it played in an African town where Swahili was well-known. A moment of high drama nose-dived into comedy as the panting messenger gasped out:

"I don't think I am being paid enough for this part!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Air Museum

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Gary) -Tom
-------------------------------

I recently took my 5 kids to the Naval Air Museum in Pensacola Florida (a great museum and free admission). They have one room that is full of real cockpits for the kids to sit in. I lifted my 4 yr old daughter into one cockpit that had side by side seating for the pilot and co-pilot. When my daughter got in she said "Good - this one's two player!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: In Great Detail

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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One day, at the dry-cleaning shop of a local Air Force Base, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed.

When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?"

"Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for show-and-tell."
_ ____________________________ _
If it weren't for electricity
we'd all be watching television
by candlelight. - George Gobel
____________________________

A verbal contract isn't worth
the paper it's written on.
____________________________

The trouble with the rat race
is that even if you win,
you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin.
____________________________

One can never know for sure
what a deserted area looks like.
____________________________

I went to the Missing
Persons Bureau.
No one was there.
_ ____________________________ _
Thomas S. Ellsworth
tellswor@slonet.org
http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor
____________________________
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Head Hog

A church secretary takes a call. The caller says ,"Is the head hog at the trough there?"

The secretary says, "Please Sir, do not refer to our pastor as the head hog at the trough. That is very insulting."

"Oh, I'm very sorry. I meant nothing by that. It's just a local phase we use in the part of the country I come from. The real reason I called was to donate $50,000.00 to your building fund."

The secretary says, "Hold on. I see the 'Big Oinker' coming through the door right now."

Received from n2416c.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] A Novel Idea

I am told that a 98-year-old woman wrote this to her bank, and the bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three "nanoseconds" must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets, and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer. (A password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 98-year-old woman.)

Received from Frank.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] House Calls

A pipe burst in a doctor's house, and he called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! Even I don't make that much as a doctor!"

The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

Received from Pastor Tim.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Landing Check*

I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple hundred feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm.

"I wonder why he didn't land," I said.

"He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said.

As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented.

"No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time."

"How can you tell?" I asked.

"Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow."

(-:][:-)

*Fee Surprise*

Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done.

As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place.

The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract.

I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van.

I told them my fee: $45.

(-:][:-)

*Animal Superbowl*

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did" said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too" said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

"SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach.

"Well" said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

(-:][:-)

*Office Hours*

"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"

"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel."

"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours."

Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours."

(-:][:-)

*Size 8 Shoes*

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, "But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half."

"Just bring me a size eight."

The sales guy brings them and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to the salesman and says, "I've lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, and my business has filed Chapter 7."

"The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off."

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Horse Hazard"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw235

"Faith Franchising"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw218

"Ticket Formula"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw236

"Dolphin Gang"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw238

"Which One Is It?"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw237

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/starbucks.html - - Ode To Starbucks (Humor column about cappuccino addiction, the Starbucks revolution, and life in Bayside, Queens, New York)
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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MedlinePlus - - http://www.medlineplus.gov/ - - MedlinePlus will direct you to information to help answer health questions. MedlinePlus brings together authoritative information from NLM, the National Institutes of Health (NIH), and other government agencies and health-related organizations. Preformulated MEDLINE searches are included in MedlinePlus and give easy access to medical journal articles. MedlinePlus also has extensive information about drugs, an illustrated medical encyclopedia, interactive patient tutorials, and latest health news.
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Library of Congress: Today in History - - http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/today/today.html - - Today in History mines the American Memory historical collections to discover what happened in American history today and every day.
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GetHuman Cheats - - http://gethuman.com/us/ - - Instructions for bypassing automated phone systems to get to a human as quickly as you can. Major companies listed.
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Coping with Chronic Illness - - http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/copingwithchronicillness.html - - Resources for Coping with Chronic Illness from the U.S. National Library of Medicine.
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Deadly Maps - - http://www.carnegieendowment.org/static/npp/deadlymaps.cfm - - The complete collection of maps from Carnegie's, Deadly Arsenals: Nuclear, Biological, and Chemical Threats. Click on each map to view a larger image. Windows users should hold the cursor over the image and click on the icon appearing in the lower right-hand corner to expand the map to its full size. The first five maps reflect the worldwide proliferation of nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons and their missile delivery systems. The country maps show the major nuclear installations, both civilian and military, in each country.
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Top U.S. Cities for Renters List 2005 - - http://www.apartmentratings.com/rate/BestCities2005.html - - The Renter Livability and Satisfaction table is based on the results of analyzing data collected from users of ApartmentRatings.com regarding renter satisfaction and average rent along with data regarding local economic conditions from secondary sources. The index uses the most up-to-date information available from government research agencies for income and rental vacancy. The most current data were available for 2003 and 2004 respectively.
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Simpson's Contemporary Quotations - - http://www.bartleby.com/63/ - - With over 9,000 quotations from 4,000 sources organized into 25 categories and 60 sections, this comprehensive reference work contains words of wit and wisdom from such modern notables as Ezra Pound, Henry Kissinger, George Orwell, Dorothy Parker, and Desmond Tutu.
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------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
April 17, 2006
Whirlpool Baths
Submitted by Karen Berner (a Houston Albemarle employee).
__

Whirlpool Baths: Enter at Your Own Risk

I thought this was an interesting topic since most newer model homes have whirlpool tubs. I have a whirlpool tub in the master bathroom and I'm always concerned with the potential for bacteria breeding in the pipes when not in use. Our whirlpool tub does not get used that frequently, however,
I sanitize it between uses by using a whirlpool bath system cleaner.

(Article compliments of Reuters website)

Better think twice before soothing those aching muscles in a whirlpool bath or hot tub. A new study shows that whirlpool bathtubs can be a breeding ground for a host of disease-causing bacteria.

Dr. Rita B. Moyes a microbiologist at Texas A & M University tested 43 water samples from both private and public whirlpool bathtubs. "Every tub tested had some kind of microbial growth," she told Reuters Health.

"And I was just getting the few organisms I was testing for, so it is probably just the tip of the iceberg as far as what is really present.
Also, I did no viral testing," Moyes emphasized.

In 95 percent of the tubs, bacteria derived from feces were present, while 81 percent had fungi and 34 percent contained potentially deadly staphylococcus bacteria.

Moyes explained that a teaspoon of normal tap water contains about 138 bacteria and many samples are bacteria-free. A teaspoon of whirlpool tub water, on the other hand, contains an average of more than 2 million bacteria. The interior pipes of whirlpool baths that are not filtered or chemically treated, and non-maintained hot tubs, are prime areas for potentially infectious microbes to congregate and grow, Moyes noted. These organisms often form a biofilm - a community of organisms, which work together and are more resistant to cleaners.

When the jets are switched on, the bacteria-packed water gets blown into the tub. "Due to the movement of the water, an aerosol is created that carries these organisms down into your lungs or other orifices - something that doesn't happen in a regular tub," Moyes explained.

The bacteria found in whirlpool baths can lead to a number of diseases, including urinary tract infections, skin infections, and pneumonia.

So who is most at risk? "Of course the young and the old and the immunocompromised should not be exposed, including breathing in the aerosol from outside the tub," Moyes said.

"A chemically maintained hot tub should not be a problem to a healthy person but if you are having recurring infections, consider the tub as a potential source," she added. Moyes' research is published in an online journal called PM Engineer.

http://health.msn.com/womenshealth/redbook/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100133058
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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There's a reason why 'Judas Gospel' didn't make the list

We should give the National Geographic Society the benefit of the doubt concerning the timing of its publication of the translation of the Gospel of Judas and its television special that aired Sunday.

The Coptic text, a codex (which means it is copied on pages like a book) of about 62 pages, was discovered in Egypt some decades ago - the Middle East Online Web site says in the 1950s or ’60s; National Geographic says it was found in the 1970s, but it is recognized as part of the Gnostic library found in Nag Hammadi, Egypt, in 1945.

Whatever. After a history of twists and turns and sales offers by Egyptian antiquities dealers who seemed to insist on high prices, it found its way into the hands of the Basel, Switzerland-based Maecenas Foundation for Ancient Art.

Middle East Online reports it was only about a year ago that the foundation discovered its possible significance, and that points to more fuzzy dating.

Such a realization might have come anytime after 2001, when the foundation retained a scholar versed in Coptic to translate it. Or it may have been early last year after the University of Arizona reported that, through radiocarbon dating, the codex's materials were from the mid-third to fourth centuries A.D.

Still, with Easter coming up and the movie version of Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" soon to premiere in theaters, National Geographic either has been very lucky or very savvy, marketing-wise.

Timing is everything, we hear, and there could not have been a better time to reveal a document some believe might call into question the characterizations most people have understood about the relationship between Jesus and the man who, according to the four accepted Gospels, betrayed him.

Is everything we know about Jesus wrong? Was Judas a good guy? Was Judas, in fact, so good that only he, among the 12 who followed Jesus during his public life on Earth, really knew what was going on?

According to reports on the translation, that last point seems to be what some very excited scholars glean from its text. But right there is a clue as to what the Gospel of Judas really is and why it did not make the cut for the Bible we have today.

The translation of the Gospel of Judas - that is, of the fragments that are readable - puts it in the Gnostic tradition. That means its author or authors believed that in order to have a correct relationship with God, one had to be privy to specialized knowledge that had been shared only between Jesus and his inner circle, usually identified as the apostles Peter, John and James.

The Gospel of Judas would put Judas even closer. For it to be true, he must have shared exclusive knowledge with Christ. None of the rest of the apostles seemed aware of the claim of this text - that Judas was given a privilege to be a chosen instrument to set in motion all that was to come after Jesus would be handed over to the Romans.

Paul recognized the danger of Gnosticism as it tried to worm its way among the believers in Colosse, in Phrygia, and wrote them to say, "Let no man beguile you of your reward in a voluntary humility and worshipping of angels, intruding into those things which he hath not seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind."

National Geographic would cluck disappointedly at Paul, who was only deeply involved in a mission to take Christianity beyond the Middle East and, as it turned out, had his hands full to keep new churches headed on the right path.

And it classifies the bishop of Lyon, St. Irenaeus, who denounced a Gospel of Judas - it is not known if it is the same as this text - in his treatise, "Against Heresies," written in A.D. 180, as merely outraged and reactionary and so infers he thus could not be capable of an objective opinion. After all, it was Irenaeus' 27 recommended books that eventually came to be approved as the New Testament, so the fix must have been in.

Gnosticism was rejected early on among organized Christians because it did not agree with the principles Jesus taught in public before many who remembered and passed the accounts along. It relied upon specialized knowledge, privately conceived and held, and once its followers tried to promote it, it fell under the weight of scrutiny.

But that is not at all good enough for National Geographic. Its underlying assumption, which agrees with that of the scholars it depends upon, is that the early church fathers were, to put it frankly, ignorant.

Up to 2,000 years removed from today - which, we must point out, puts them much closer to the events and source materials of early Christianity - they receive almost no credit for critical or objective assessment of writings or histories of their day.

The sense you get from scholars who comment on the Gospel of Judas is that we have the four so-called canonical Gospels because - well, they just seemed right and the others didn't.

Irenaeus had more to say than that, and maybe he was a bit over the top, but in my book, that doesn't mean he couldn't be right.

The question is asked: Was this a suppressed book? The answer is obvious - it wasn't so much suppressed. It, along with early Gnosticism and other, lesser known variants of Christianity, died off for lack of support, mainly because they could not connect with the origin of the faith as it had been attested and established, by many sources.

Stan Nelson is a news editor at The Pueblo Chieftain. He may be reached via e-mail at snelson@chieftain.com .

http://www.chieftain.com/life/1145091944/4
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In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:

People ask me, what is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.

I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.

God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.


Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.

The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.

God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.

And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain."

But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her.

It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.

It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.

Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.

Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?

Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism?

Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know you more and love You better.

God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

Thanks to Kathy Lee
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THE HOUSE HIDDEN BY THE WEEDS

Just two little boys walking down a dusty lane ..
They came upon this old white house ... with broken window panes.

The paint was faded, the shine was gone ... the grass had grown so high ..
still they made their little feet ... to see what was inside.

They opened up the squeaky door ... and then it came to light ...
This must have been an old church house ... once upon a time.

Dirty, dusty wooden pews ... a pulpit that still stood ..
A bible laid upon it ... though the pages weren't too good.

An offering plate and song books too ... were lying on the floor ..
They must have left this old church fast ... the day they closed these
doors.

And over in the corner a piano was still there ...
it must have played a pretty tune ... but I guess nobody cared.

So little Bill looked up at Tommy . and Tommy looked at Bill ...
Why don't we clean this old church up, and get these old pews filled?"

They took a rag and wiped the dust ... to try and make things shine...
And then they took the offering plate ... and put in it their last dime.

They took a broom and swept the floor ... and picked up broken glass....
They got it all so nice and neat ... and then they mowed the grass.

They lifted up the old church sign ... and stood it by a tree ...
right down by that old dirt road . where everyone could see.

They ran back home, to find Daddy gone ... but their Momma was inside...
Just to find her hurt again .. where Daddy had made her cry.

"Don't cry Momma, wipe those tears," Little Bill and Tommy smiled ...
"Cause we have a big surprise for you .. just down the road a mile."

Hand in hand they tugged at her . until they made her run ...
"What is it Bill, Oh Tommy, just what have you two kids done?"

And then they came upon the house ... once hidden by the weeds ...
and there it stood a country church .. just like it used to be.

"But what is it, Mother? What's with your tears? We thought this would
bring you joy." "Yes, but hush kids now and listen close ... my two sweet
precious boys."

They both got quiet and stood real still ... for the words they heard so
true ..
was Daddy praying in the church .. with his head bowed on the pew.

"Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord! though I'm not worthy of Your love...
shine down on this sinner man .. sweet Salvation from above."

"For I've been out in the world, You know ... living my life all wrong...
until I came upon this church; the place where I belong."

"I never noticed it before . all those times I passed it up ...
I guess I wasn't looking, Lord . or maybe I was drunk."

"Bless oh Lord, yes, bless oh Lord the one who made me see ..
this little church that used to hide ... behind all those tall weeds."

And then he raised his head and stood ... with his hands high in the air
..
to find two, dirty, tear-faced boys ... with Momma standing there.

They ran up to him, hugged him tight ... as their tears fell on the floor
...
"Don't worry kids, I'm not the Dad, the one you've known before."

Things are different for us now ... so keep on those pretty smiles....
and let's go gather people in ... to walk down these church aisles."

Then Bill looked up at Tommy ... and Tommy looked at Bill ..
"Come on brother, let's get to work ... to get these old pews filled."

"For we need no special blessing ... for cleaning up this church....
cause, God gave us back our Daddy ... and that's more than gold is worth."

Sunday morning, pews all filled ... and smiles on every face....
Especially two little country boys ... the ones who found this place.

Though it was hid back in the weeds ... and so far out of sight ...
Nothing's ever hard to find .. if you're walking toward God's light.

1 John 1:7 "We walk in the light as He is in the light,
we have fellowship with one another,
and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son
cleanses us from all sin."

Thanks to David Lamb
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I BELIEVE...

Q: What is the shortest chapter in the Bible?
A: Psalms 117

Q: What is the longest chapter in the Bible?
A: Psalms 119

Q: Which chapter is in the center of the Bible?
A: Psalms 118

Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118
Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118
Add these numbers up and you get 1188.

Q: What is the center verse in the Bible?
A: Psalms 118:8

Q: Does this verse say something significant about God's perfect will for our lives?

The next time someone says they would like to find
God's perfect will for their lives and that they want to
be in the center of His will, just send them to the
center of His Word!

Psalms 118:8
"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man."
Now isn't that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)?

When things get tough, always remember...
Faith doesn't get you around trouble, it gets you through it !!

Thanks to Terry Neal
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A Simple Thank You

Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two
together. After we'd boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant,
who'd been invited to sit in First Class (and was seated across from me), and inquired if he was heading home.

"No," he responded.

"Heading out?" I asked.

"No. I'm escorting a soldier home."

"Going to pick him up?"

"No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq.I'm taking him home to his family."

The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn't
know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier's family and felt as if he did know them after so many conversations in so few days. I turned back to him, extended my hand,
and said, "Thank you. Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do."

Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door [so as to] allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign."

Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me
realize that I am proud to be an American. So here's a public thank-you to our military for doing what you do so we can live the way we do.

Stuart Margel, Washington, D.C.

http://www.poyi.org/63/11/02.php
http://www.poyi.org/63/11/01.php

Thanks to Ben Blankenship
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I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

"And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He, "they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you."

Judge NOT.

I am thankful I am forgiven.

Thanks to Ben Blankenship
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The Military

The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either.

He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.

He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155mm howizzitor.

He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.

He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.

He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.

He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional.

He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march.

He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient.

He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other.

He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry.

he sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle.

He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts.

If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food.

He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.

He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands.

He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job.

He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all.

He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime.

He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them.

He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.

He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking.

In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.

Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy.

He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.

He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.
Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.

And now we even have woman over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so.

Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Coastguardsman, Marine
or Airman, prayer is the very best one.

Thanks to Waneta Reardon
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
Albemarle Steak and Bingo Supper - April 22, 2006
~~~
MCC Men’s Prayer Breakfast, April 23 @ 7:30 a.m.
~~~
MCC “Just Older Youth” Branson Trip, May 4-6.
~~~
The Barksdale AFB Holiday in Dixie "Defenders Of Liberty" Big Airshow Saturday and Sunday, May 13-14, gates open at 9:00 am, Show starts at 10:00 am
~~~
The Blossom Festival and World Championship Steak Cook-Off is Coming May 19 and 20. If you enjoy beautiful Magnolia Blossoms, good food, great entertainment, and southern hospitality, Magnolia, Arkansas is where you need to be on the third weekend in May.
~~~
Albemarle Kids' Fishing Tournament - June 3
~~~
The Purple Hull Pea Festival is scheduled for June 23 and 24
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Lance Cpl. Philip J. Martini, 24, of Lansing, Ill., died April 8, of a gunshot wound while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Martini was assigned to 1st Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

02. Spc. Andrew K. Waits, 23, of Waterford, Mich., died April 13, in Baghdad, Iraq, where an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat operations. Waits was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
03. Cpl. Salem Bachar, 20, of Chula Vista, Calif.
04. Lance Cpl. Stephen J. Perez, 22, of San Antonio, Texas
Both were killed due to enemy action in Al Anbar Province, Iraq on April 13. Bachar was assigned to Headquarters Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif. Perez was assigned to 1st Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of four Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
05. Lance Cpl. Derrick J. Cothran, 21, of Avondale, La.
06. Cpl. Pablo V. Mayorga, 33, of Margate, Fla.
07. Lance Cpl. Justin D. Sims, 22, of Covington, Ky.
08. Pfc. Ryan G. Winslow, 19, of Jefferson, Ala.
All four Marines died April 15 when their HMMWV struck an improvised explosive device during combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Cothran, Mayorga, and Winslow were all assigned to the 2nd Tank Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C. Sims was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

09. Lance Cpl. Darin T. Settle, 23, of Henley, Mo., died April 14 from a non-hostile motor vehicle accident in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to Combat Logistics Regiment 2, 2nd Marine Logistics Group, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

10. Master Sgt. Clinton W. Cubert, 38, of Lawrenceburg, Ky., died on April 16, in the Lexington Veterans Affairs Medical Center, Lexington, Ky., of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat operations in Samarra, Iraq, on Sept. 11, 2005. Cubert was assigned to the Army National Guard's 2113th Transportation Company, Paducah, Ky.

11. Spc. Mark W. Melcher, 34, of Pittsburgh, Pa., died in Al Taqaddum, Iraq on April 15, when his M1A1 Abrams tank came under enemy small-arms fire during combat operations. Melcher was assigned to the National Guard's 1st Battalion, 103rd Armor, Friedens, Pa.

12. Capt. Ian P. Weikel, 31, of Colorado, died in Balad, Iraq on April 18, from injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat operations in Baghdad. Weikel was assigned to the 10th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

13. Pfc. Robert J. Settle, 25, of Owensboro, Ky., died in Taji, Iraq, on April 19, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat operations. Settle was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 66th Armored Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

14. Petty Officer 3rd Class Marcques J. Nettles, 22, of Beaverton, Ore., died April 2, when the truck he was riding in rolled over in a flash flood near Al Asad, Iraq. Nettles was previously listed as Duty Status - Whereabouts Unknown. His body was recovered April 16. He was assigned to 1st Combat Logistics Battalion, 1st Marine Logistics Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

15. Pfc. Patrick A. Tinnell, 25, of Lake Havasu City, Ariz., died in As Siniyah, Iraq, on April 19, when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated during a dismounted combat patrol. Tinnell was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 187th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

-=+=-

Airmen Missing In Action From WWII are Identified
The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of eleven U.S. airmen, missing in action from World War II, have been identified and are being returned to their families for burial with full military honors.
They are Capt. Thomas C. Paschal, El Monte, Calif.; 1st Lt. Frank P. Giugliano, New York, N.Y.; 1st Lt. James P. Gullion, Paris, Texas; 2nd Lt. Leland A. Rehmet, San Antonio, Texas; 2nd Lt. John A. Widsteen, Palo Alto, Calif., Staff Sgt. Richard F. King, Moultrie, Ga.; Staff Sgt. William Lowery, Republic, Pa..; Staff Sgt. Elgin J. Luckenbach, Luckenbach, Texas.; Staff Sgt. Marion B. May, Amarillo, Texas.; Sgt. Marshall P. Borofsky, Chicago, Ill.; Sgt. Walter G. Harm, Philadelphia, Penn.; all U.S. Army Air Forces.
The group remains of the entire crew are to be buried today at Arlington National Cemetery near Washington, DC, as are the individual remains of each man with the exception of King, Giugliano and Widsteen, whose families have elected hometown burials.
On April 16, 1944, Paschal and Widsteen were piloting a B-24J Liberator with the other nine men aboard. The aircraft was returning to Nadzab, New Guinea after bombing enemy targets near Hollandia. The plane was last seen off the coast of the island flying into poor weather.
The loss was investigated following the war and a military board concluded that the aircraft had been lost over water and was unrecoverable.

In early 2001 a team of specialists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) interviewed a native of Papua New Guinea who claimed to have found the aircraft crash and recovered identification media for May and Harm. The team surveyed the site in 2002 and found wreckage that matched Paschal’s aircraft tail number along with human remains. They also took custody of remains previously collected by the villager.
Later that year, two additional JPAC teams excavated the crash site and recovered additional human remains and crew-related artifacts. Identification tags were found for Luckenbach, May and Paschal. Other crew-related materials found were consistent with items used by the Army Air Forces around 1944.
Mitochondrial DNA obtained from dental and bone samples was one of the forensic tools used by JPAC scientists and Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory specialists to identify the airmen.
For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO website at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call (703)-699-1169.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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It’s never too early to start making my Anniversary Present list. (Well, I did get a new medicine bag for my birthday.)
Rechargeable Batteries for the following “Ham” radios: Kenwood TH-22-AT (9.6 volts, 600 mAh battery, 2 each (for our two radios)), Yaesu FT-50 (it takes a FNB-83 7.2V1400mAh battery), Yaesu, VX-1 (it takes a FNB-52LI 3.6V 700mAh Lithium-Ion battery).
New “Rubber Ducky” antennas for the following “Ham” radios: Kenwood TH-22-AT (two radios)
Anything from Larry Norman
Back Scratcher
Basic tools of any kind
Batteries, 9 volt
Batteries, AAA
Blankets or Quilts
Book, “The Good Life: Seeking Purpose, Meaning, and Truth in Your Life” by Charles Colson
“Boot” Horn
Chair, office $49 from SAMS (5 of them)
Cheese Grater
Cordless Drill
Cordless Screwdriver
A DeLorme Earthmate GPS LT-20 device
A copy of DeLorme Street Atlas USA 2006 Plus
A copy of DeLorme Topo USA 5.0
Digital Video Recorder (Pioneer DVR-533H-S $333 at Beach Camera)
Eyeglasses, “Computer type” to use at church (and some new ones to use at home and at work.)
Floor Mats (for the truck)
A new “Gitter”
Handkerchiefs
Hasselblad H2D-39 Digital Professional Camera
Hat (warm, for bald guys winter wear.)
Magnifying Glass.
New Showerhead
Non skid toilet rug
Refrigerator Thermometer
Small, lightweight “head light” so I can see small things on the desk or work bench.
Some Warmup Suits to wear around the house after we get that first gas bill.
Trackball for the home computer
VHS - DVD Recorder (Lite-On LVC-9006 $219 @ Buy.com)
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
~~~
MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
~~~
MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
~~~
MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
1 Cor 9:24-25 3 John 1:3-4 John 4:35-38 Mal 3:17-18 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent. ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>